An overlooked aspect of ‘Gray Divorce’

I am a steadfast fan of Elise Ureneck’s writing, yet I felt her recent piece on “Gray Divorce” (“Divorce Down the Road,” July 24 issue) was missing the nuance that accompanies so many divorces. I am not a gray divorcée; I was divorced before 30, after just five years of marriage. However, in the process of my divorce, I joined a support group filled completely with “Gray Divorces” — both those who initiated and those who were left.

Her piece recognized the identity shift that accompanies empty-nesting or the hormone shift in menopause — both of which are very real — but in those I know of, “Gray Divorce” was not a factor at all. In hearing my friends’ stories, their marriages were a lot like mine, but instead of exiting after five years, they waited for a multitude of reasons (unwilling to split parenting time, financial inability, faith, or hope, etc). And when divorce happened, it was not a decision that happened lightly; instead, it was one that took years (for one friend, 15 years) of trying to work on their marriage and self-sacrifice.

I do not know what the solution is, and I do agree with the advice listed in the article on how to help marriages. I just feel that perhaps there was room for the voices of those who actually initiated “Gray Divorce” and the heartache that goes into that.

—  Penny B., Alhambra