There’s a lot of pressure on parents to make sure their kids are learning everything they’re supposed to be learning. We want to be sure that they’re hitting all those developmental milestones. As they start school we do our best to be sure they’re performing academically. As they get older we want them to be independent and responsible, good planners and conscientious learners. These are all valuable pursuits to be sure. But when I think of what my parents most wanted me to learn, and then what I wanted to teach my own kids, more than anything it was compassion.
One of the beautiful things about teaching compassion to our kids is that it’s actually really simple. You’re already doing it. Each time you respond to your children when they’re in need, you’re modeling compassion. First as an infant, when they cry you comfort them. They have a need and that need gets met. Then as a toddler when their world starts to get more complicated, you teach them compassion by noticing when they’re overwhelmed and helping them to manage their emotions. You also teach it by setting limits: no hitting or hurting allowed. They begin to learn that they are not the only people, that other people and living things can experience harm. They begin to learn that others have needs of their own.
Compassion is more than just being nice. It’s about justice. It recognizes that every person has human dignity and each person has rights. We show compassion by how we treat others and how we allow others to be treated, even when they are not at their best. I asked friends what they’ve done to teach their kids compassion and got some beautiful responses. One young mother shared what her parents did: “They taught us compassion by modeling it with one another, us, and others. Teaching my new son compassion is important to me because it is a fundamental building block of humanity.” Many of them shared that the most important thing they do is to set an example of compassion at home and out in the wider world.
Compassion is one of the ways we show the young people in our lives that what we say we believe is real and true. It says that we’re willing to overcome inconvenience and discomfort, to risk embarrassment and even rejection to put it into action. It’s authenticity catching fire and blazing up to warm all those around.